Away from the office I became more withdrawn. One thing that I truly enjoyed was my martial arts classes. I got better by leaps and bounds. My instructor cautioned me several times though because of my lack of form and technique. He told me that I probably wouldn't get my next belt because my technique was awful and I could never remember the correct movements when performing the katas.I smiled at him because he might have been a martial arts master, if such a thing was still possible in this day and age, but he didn't have a clue. I think in his defense that he really believed in his art and the whole morality of using the martial arts for defense etc. but the bottom line was that he was a business man just like me. He had to give his customers what they wanted.I, myself didn't give a fuck about the proper usage of the art. I couldn't even stomach sitting through a fucking Kung fu movie. All I wanted to do was to beat the hell out of the guy who'd raped my wife. I wanted to beat him. I have my back to the door and, if anyone opens it and glances in, all they'll see is my blanket covered body curled up and resting. So they'll just tiptoe away, trying not to disturb my rest.At first, I don't even touch myself, just let random thoughts coalesce in my mind. I have a very rich and fertile imagination and frequently use a fantasy leading up to a physical release/orgasm - and one or more is the goal. But, I freely admit that some days I have awoken some time later with my hands in my pants, fingers around my clit or in my pussy, having not achieved orgasm. Simply too tired, I've fallen asleep mid-fantasy. Sometimes, I'm so excited that I actually put myself to sleep while masturbating.Some days I start with a memory instead of a fantasy. Thankfully I have a head full of those as well. A few favorites always come to mind. These include the first time I really enjoyed sex and had a proper orgasm; sex outdoors; or performing a blow job underwater in a pool or, most.
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